Gravity
by dragonfly-affinity
Summary: HijOki - 'Something always leads me back to you.'
1. Chapter 1

Notes: Very much based around the anime, so warnings of spoilers: Many, many spoilers and is taken from Souji and Hijikata's different perspectives. Angsty, but with a sweet ending ;) As for the little stars dotted here and there, check the bottom of the story for the reference of episode and explanation =)

I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane in any way shape or form, and if I did, you'd certainly know about it ;) there would be _so _much more male-male loving, I swear

The song used is Sara Bareilles' 'Gravity, that I don't own either, but I think it's a cracking song and perfect for this two, as well as being the source name for the fic XD just because it's so apt lol.

Now a shout-out too to jennifer100, thank you for reminding me how awesome HijOki are and how much I love them! You're a star and a very good friend! =D

I hope you enjoy the story =)

* * *

Souji POV

1st verse:

_Something always brings me back to you_

_It never takes too long_

_No matter what I settle to do_

_I still feel you here, 'til the moment I'm gone_

_You hold me without touch_

_Keep me without chains_

_I never wanted anything so much_

_To drown in your love, and not feel your rain_

I guess I let my feelings get a little too ahead of me. Hijikata-san, I don't think he'll ever see me the way that I want him to. Yet, instinctively, I also know that I'm closer to him than anyone else – but still at arms' length. He truly _is _like that beautiful snow that never melts*.

It's been more than a decade since I've known him, been under his wing. My loyalty is unquestionable. Even in the killing of Senzawa-san, I felt nothing. Hijikata-san deemed it right, part of our higher orders, so did I. That was all there was to it.

However, I _do _take _some _pride in being the one who can tease and influence Hijikata-san so much, or dare I say, perhaps, even the most? That maybe a slight step out of line, but… he allowed Tetsu-kun to enrol in the Shinsengumi because of me, did he not? It was because I had 'wished' it that he made it so.

Of course, I got scolded for being… too enthusiastic during my duel with Tetsu-kun, but… I got my way in the end.

Thinking about it now, I always do. This pleases me.

Maybe Hijikata-san isn't so far away, after all? Maybe my feelings _are _requited to hopefully the extent that I want them to be.

Glancing to my sliding doors, I smile. Perhaps it's time to pay Hijikata-san a 'surprise' visit.

* * *

* From Episode 15 when Souji stole Hijikata's haiku book and he himself made a haiku at the end, which was just awesome.

And that for now, is the first chapter and I'm a little nervous since this is my first HijOki, so go easy! Lol. Next chapter is from Hiji's POV ;)

Let me know what you think =)

Dragonfly

x


	2. Chapter 2

Since it's Hiji's POV, very slight Tetsu-bashing since it _is _Hiji, gotta keep in character, right? XD

Disclaimer: In first chapter

* * *

Hijikata POV

Chorus:

_Set me free, leave me be_

_I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity_

_Here I am, at a stand, so talk_

_Just the way I'm supposed to be_

_But you're on to me, and all over me_

Whenever Souji requests a walk, I _know _he wants something, _especially _if buying kid's junk food is involved. How can he actually tolerate those foul confectionaries? On the other hand, I was caught off-guard by his chosen 'subject of the day'. He'd desired to talk about… matters of the heart… A realm I have no wish to speak of. I refused him; meaning it – a rare occasion. He appeared… oddly deflated. Why? I had neglected to ask that question, although it plagues me now in the safe confines of my room. I hadn't wanted to spend another moment on such a… distasteful topic. Instead, I told him to take his wanton needs to Shimabara like the other soldiers – heart need nothing to do with it. Bizarre, though, I wince at the thought of Souji _there_, of all people.

I should forbid him to go, regardless of what I said…

Albeit, I must admire Souji's wondrous skills of recovery. He soon bounced back, enquiring about my dealings with Ichimura – the loud brat. He'd wished to know why I hadn't entrusted him with uniform and katana yet. He's the only one bold enough to ask of me things that none else will. I also believe he's better at inspecting _my _dealings than Susumu.

Stupidly, I'd used Ichimura's age as an excuse and was rightly dealt another blow. Souji… He had only been nine, six years younger than Ichimura. I'd made him into a monster without hesitation.

It's true. I have no wish for Ichimura to become another Souji. One is enough. I need only one.

However Souji was right on my reasoning for Ichimura's lack of military equipment, he is also very much mistaken about the underlying grounding.

I can never tell him that the creator has fallen for his creation. It isn't the way it's supposed to be and most definitely _not _how I am meant to be.

Souji must never know.

* * *

Oh the angst 3

Still going to be Hiji's POV for next chap =3

Dragonfly

x


	3. Chapter 3

Well, here goes chapter 3! Sorry for the delay, and thank you for all the awesome reviews =3 I hope that I haven't kept you waiting for too long! (You wouldn't believe the hecticness of moving house and whatnot XD) anyway, enjoy =)

* * *

Hijikata POV still

2nd verse:

_Oh, you loved me 'cause I'm fragile_

_And I thought that I was strong_

_But you touch me for a little while_

_And all my fragile strength is gone_

I only let my guard down completely with Souji. I can't help it. It's instinctive as I let his fingers dance gracefully upon my shoulders and neck – those long, slender fingers, so capable of vicious, swift deaths and the most beautiful of massages. The balance of brute strength and innocence that Souji displays, it never ceases to amaze me. He is perhaps the truest glimmer of light that the Shinsengumi has ever known, the clearest shade of dark in these feudal times.

During those quiet and seldom times of peace with only Souji and I, I am at my most tranquil, vulnerable – all my defences are lowered. Neither of us speak. It's enough just to be like this – just the two of us. It's enough.

With my eyes closed, I smile briefly, knowing that no one will see. I recall a few quite recent and fond memories. Souji – he is the only one who will push me to step outside of myself. That incident with my haiku book, I could have torn him apart*. But I shredded the parchment instead. Then, I was pleasantly surprised that evening when he came to my room, delivering my secret treasure in all its unmarred glory. For once, I hadn't known what to say, so I had said nothing – lips thin. He'd simply smiled before explaining his intentions and thanking me. Afterwards, he had exited and not a word had slipped past my lips. But I had looked at my haiku, so perfectly intact and I had smiled. Trust Souji, huh?

Then, my present smile plummeted in an impressive U-turn as I also remembered how the very next day, Souji was accused of murdering members of the Kyoto police!** That was unacceptable. My Souji would never do such a thing!

… 'My'… Ch. If I could burn my thoughts, I would.

His ministrations pause, silently probing for an answer to my change in posture and disposition. I relax again, telling him that it's fine, he can continue and he does so. No words have to be spoken.

I could never forgive that whore for tainting Souji's name… but if he had harmed Souji himself? Not even those fires would have prevented me from beating him to death with my own hands.

At least that bastard noble and his prostitute have been dealt with and most importantly, Souji's safe, by my side as he should be.

Another upward curve of my lips.

CLUNK!

What the -? All I hear is: "Forgive me!" That little idiot _still _doesn't know how to carry tea?!

Ch. Well, at least Souji's laughing… I guess forcing Ichimura to perform seppuku would be uncalled for.

* * *

*Episode 15 was undoubtedly my favourite, can you guess? =p

** A little creative twist, because I actually have no idea whether it was the following day or not, but it was a subsequent episode XD

Just a bit of dark humour concerning Tetsu XD because it _is _Hijikata lol. Next – normal POV, though still Hiji-centric.

Dragonfly

x


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you very much for the lovely reviews Jen and Manabishi =3 I'll finish this story for you two, and well, just one more chapter to go! I hope that it doesn't fail in expectation =3

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Normal POV

Bridge:

If I live here on my knees, as I try to make you see

That you're everything I think I need

Here on the ground

But you're neither friend nor foe

Though I can't seem to let you go

As the reputed demon vice-chief hurried his horde to the other side of the Sanjyo Bridge, the only thoughts racing through his mind were: Would he get there in time? Would Souji be safe? That was all that mattered to him. No obstacles could stay Hijikata Toshizou's stampede.

Nevertheless, upon reaching the flare's source, Hijikata's heart sank. The raid was already over. Souji was nowhere to be found. He didn't even want to think that Souji could be…

He didn't know where to begin looking.

Typical then that the Aizu had come, wanting to take the glory. Usually, Hijikata would have been more forthcoming but Souji was in there – somewhere and he _had _to find him. There was no way that he was leaving without _his _Souji.

As soon as Kondou had given the location, the order, all Hijikata could do was give his thanks before moving towards Okita Souji. He'd first tried to be calm and dignified about it, but as soon as he passed that lone soldier in the corridor, he was running. Hell could not have delayed the anxious male any longer.

As soon as he found his injured counterpart, all Hijikata could think of doing was to pull the younger man into him. He never wanted to let him go. This man, Okita Souji, was neither friend nor foe to Hijikata Toshizou: He was so much more.

He had almost lost him tonight by the blade of that Choshu bastard, Yoshida. Hijikata knew that he could no longer keep Souji at arms' length. He needed him so much closer.

The era was becoming more and more dangerous, he would never forgive himself if he let Souji slip through his fingers without ever knowing how he truly felt about him.

His only consolation was that the blood wasn't all Souji's. Souji was going to survive. Hijikata would make sure of that. Then, he would tell Souji everything.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

And to bring the story to full circle, Souji's POV in the last chapter =3 the longest chapter by far XD

Dragonfly

x


End file.
